Author: regina

It has been hard watching our beloved Celine Dion suffer over the death of her husband of 21 years, Rene Angelil, followed two days later by the death of her brother Daniel Dion. We empathize with her loss because we too have experienced the death of loved ones. Many of us don’t think of preparing to pass away, but we should. Rene Angelil did prepare, leaving Celine and the children with all his affairs in order as a final act of love for them.

To truly love another is to do everything within our power to prevent what suffering we can beforehand. We don’t allow our thoughts to create the fantasy it won’t happen to us.  Yes, someday, something will happen to us.  Loving others means we have the responsibility to tend to the business side of love to prevent those we care for uncalled-for misery.

I don’t know the legal requirements for the country in which you live so please do your own research to be prepared to help prevent your loved ones additional heartbreak. I am familiar with what steps you can take as residents of the United States.

1. Create what is called a “last will and testament” – a document stating your final wishes, what you want done with your property, house, car, belongings, pets, etc.  You can write a will yourself, or you can hire a lawyer to write one for you. If you write one yourself, you’ll want to find a good will template, available on the internet, to help you. Make sure to include a guardian for your children. If you have children with special needs consult an attorney.

2. Decide who will pay your bills, deposit checks, manage your financial affairs, and your business if you have one. This can be done through giving someone what is called “durable power of attorney.”  Choose a trustworthy and honest person to manage your affairs if you become sick and unable to do so yourself.  The form to legally name a durable power of attorney is also available online.

3. Create an “advanced-care directive,” or what is called a “living will” that gives someone you totally trust the medical power of attorney to carry out your wishes about medical treatment at the end of life.  This is a very important document to have in place. Your husband, wife or partner may clearly know your wishes but your parents can block them from carrying out your wishes if you do not have an advanced care directive in place.  These forms are also available online.

4. Plan your funeral or memorial service and how you want your body disposed of.  Don’t just leave it up to those you love to figure it out after you’re gone.  It is hard enough to go through the death of a loved one without the additional stress of them trying to figure out what you want. Write a letter of instruction for your loved ones to follow.

5. Consider purchasing Term Life Insurance to help make sure your spouse, partner, and children have financial support after you pass away. Think about how much they will need to pay off a mortgage, car note, outstanding credit cards, and funeral and burial expenses.  Also consider future education expenses for children.  Look into this online to find a policy with a reputable company that will provide you peace of mind should your family need this type of financial support. The younger you are the less expensive Term life insurance is.

6. Further help your loved ones by keeping a folder or safe deposit box with important papers such as a marriage license, divorce papers, authorization to release health care information, vehicle titles, property deeds, and life insurance policies.  Make a passwords document with a list of bank accounts, location of safe deposit boxes, and any letters of instruction about your wishes for a funeral or life-celebration.

You cannot prevent the pain your loved ones will feel when you pass away. But you sure can take every action now to make certain their pain of loss is not compounded by your lack of being prepared.  Today, begin taking action to help protect the heart of the people you care for. Your loved ones will truly appreciate you having the business side of love in order as a last gift of love to them.

I was around 50 years old when I got a tattoo. It’s an Om sign with a decorative band that goes all the way around my arm.  You might laugh and say, what took you so long, Or, what’s the big deal? But, when I was growing up there was a stigma about people who had tattoos. To my parents and many people of their generation a tattoo meant I devalued myself and my body.

Back in my parent’s day there was a belief only criminals, bad biker dudes or drunk people got tattoos. So I did not take getting my tattoo lightly. I waited to get this until I was sure about my reasons for doing it. I wanted to be certain I was not getting it just to fit in or to be seen as cool or as some act of rebellion. I did not rush out on impulse. I was not drunk or stoned. This OM tattoo is a positive symbol that reminds me of my focus (to spread kindness, acceptance, peace and love). It also serves as a badge of honor signaling I successfully faced and overcame some very tough challenges in order to grow into the person I am today.

I learned part of my self-love and respect comes from being clear on my motivations for doing what I do so I carefully choose the statements I make about myself to the world.  No matter our age, each of us can choose what we say about ourselves by how we present ourselves. And we can skip trends that may be popular with our peers or in certain areas of society but do not represent who we are.

For example, I feel some of us need to question why we wear our pants low with our underwear showing. This look began in prisons. It’s an urban legend that this look was a way for gay prisoners to look for sex. Check out Snopes to dispel that. This look was born out of the often too large prison issued clothing prisoners had to wear because in prison there are no belts. It makes sense your pants will be saggy and hang down if they are too big and you have no belt. But, this look took on a more sinister association when it moved from prisons to become linked with other segments of society that are considered negative.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying all people who wear their pants like this are bad people who do bad things.  No way. I know some young people who wear this look because they want to fit in and think it’s cool. I’m saying, to create our best life, we don’t just blindly follow the crowd because what some in the crowd do may not be comfortable for us.

While I’m not a fan of saggy pants and seeing people’s underwear, I’m just asking all of us to know why it is we do what we do. I think, just like posting a naked butt shot or a topless Spring break photo on Facebook might come back to haunt you when applying to college or that job you want, this look may get you into some hot water too.

In my over 50 years I’ve learned the happiest most fulfilling life is created by our taking intentional and thoughtful action.  So, while I certainly encourage us to be ourselves, to express our individuality and to be creative, I also encourage us to be clear about the reasons we do what we do. To love ourselves we need to make sure how we express ourselves is a good fit with the kind of life we truly want.  Not only for today, but for our tomorrow too.

While growing up, a friend of mine was used as a punching bag by his father. He was the daily target of misplaced rage, disappointment and feelings of inadequacy. Today my friend is a loving, peaceful and thoughtful father. He chose to break the cycle of abuse by assuming responsibility for dealing with his emotional wounds so he would not take his baggage out on himself, other people or living things.

My friend knew he had to behave better so he made the deliberate choice not to be like his father. He realized no amount of fighting back or screaming at his father changed the man or ever got him to own up to his negative and physically abusive behavior. The only option my friend had was to do better because he knew abuse is never love.

If you are currently in an abusive situation, you must set a boundary with those people who hurt you. Let go of the fantasy of how you think someone can be and accept their current behavior as proof of who they are.

No matter how much you think someone should know better than to abuse others, accept knowing better with our head and knowing better with our heart, so we actually do better, are two different things. Accept the fact that unless someone is actively working to heal from their past pain, he or she unconsciously passes their wounding onto others. Those people who hurt others are clueless how to make positive changes to themselves to better their lives. So you must be the one who chooses to  take responsibility for yourself, by remaining emotionally awake to respect yourself and walk away, if necessary.

No matter how your heart might long for the other person to know better, he or she will not have a clue about their negative behavior until they choose to look at themselves with the honesty of their own heart. Love you by protecting yourself from abuse. Because you know better you must choose to do better than allow yourself to be mistreated, because mistreatment is never love.

The human body has three primary layers of skin. Beneath the epidermis, the outermost layer of skin, that provides a waterproof barrier and creates our skin color, we’re basically the same. So, I believe as human beings who’ve been to the moon, cured diseases, shot a telescope into outer space, we are perfectly capable of collectively moving ourselves forward on the emotional evolutionary scale by honestly admitting we do not have a race, homophobia, or gender relations problem. We own up to the fact we have a respect problem.

We do not respect one another’s differences. We do not respect one another’s sameness. We do not have compassion for one another’s challenges. We do not listen to one another to understand each other.  We do not learn about other cultures and religions, about the biological causes of sexual orientation and gender dysphoria, so we can better relate to one another in intelligent and informed ways. We do not learn about the endless things that make us, other people, and the world tick. We do not press pass the boundaries of our comfort zone.

We are not critically looking at the limiting, judgmental beliefs we are taught about one another that we are choosing to perpetuate. We are not assuming responsibility for the different choices we can now make to create the world we say we want.

We’re talking a good game about our faith and religious beliefs while judging one another in the name of God and looking for someone else to lead the way to peace on earth. But, leading the way, to be responsible for our choices, is exactly what walking a spiritual path or following a religious faith is all about. If we are truly a world of believers in a power greater than ourselves, the time has come for us to walk our talk and choose to treat other people as we want to be treated.

I am white but I did not choose my color.  You may be black or brown but you did not choose your color. I am gay but I did not choose my sexual orientation.  Most likely you are straight but you did not choose your sexual orientation either.

I was born in the U.S. to an unwed teenage mother but I did not choose my mother or my birth country.  You may have been born in a different country but you did not choose your birth country either. I was adopted. Maybe you were too.

I was raised Christian. You may have been raised Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, or Atheist. Growing up I had friends from different ethnic groups. Maybe you were raised to accept others too.  I was encouraged to learn and to ask questions about the world. You may have been taught to be inquisitive too. Getting a good formal education, exposing myself to difference to find sameness was encouraged in my home. Possibly these were encourage in your home too.

Children do not enter the world as harbingers of hate, prejudice and ignorance.  When a child lacks healthy exposure to a variety of people and experiences, to an education which excites the imagination, to a family unit and friends where he feels like an important part, to values that result in positive behavior, he will look for somewhere to belong. Without the skill of discernment any port becomes a refuge from the storm of an abused, uninteresting, tough, and neglected life.  Children are sponges soaking up what is around them. They either absorb love, acceptance, and a sense of belongingness or they feel abandoned, unworthy, and unimportant.

If we do not grow up being exposed to the vast wonders of the world and to the beautiful tapestry of our different human being’s colors, beliefs, cultures, and customs we only trust what we’ve been allowed to see.  If we do not grow up encouraged to associate with people of other religions, other races, other socio-economic groups, as adults we tend to associate with those people who look like us, believe what we believe, and interact with those who have the same standard of living we do.

We must be taught to value others, to have compassion, to be respectful, helpful, and kind. We cannot find sameness in our differences if we’re being taught to judge, to elevate ourselves above others, to fear difference, to disrespect who other people are, and to devalue what they care for.

White people who hate and judge are ignorant. They are run by a fear-based, narrow minded, and victimized view of the world. Black and brown people who hate are no different.

Regardless of skin color people who chose to participate in animosity and divisiveness are ignorant. Their ignorance is a result of refusing to open their eyes and hearts to anything other than their narrow and biased point of view. Those with a closed heart and judging minds will always be part of the problem while deluding themselves into thinking they are being the solution.  The solution they see is one-sided, based only upon what they know and believe. But, narrow-minded prevents a big picture view.

All of this is to say prejudice, hate, homophobia, xenophobia are learned behaviors.  To move our collective emotional evolution forward, to have our heart be an equal partner with our technological growth, we must teach ourselves and our children to love.  I know this sounds like a spiritual guru’s pat answer. But only because it is the right answer; one enlightened teachers have been sharing with the world for millennia.  But now, to walk the talk, we must listen.

Hate and prejudice will only be solved by elevating the emotional consciousness of the planet.  So yes, this is a spiritual responsibility but one that has been supported by all the emotionally conscious heroes among us. Albert Einstein wisely said, “Problems cannot be solved with the same level of awareness that created them.”

That means discernment is different than suspicion. Self-protection is different than instigating violence. And increasing exposure to the best of what different cultures, genders, ages, and races has to offer, is setting children up for an open-minded and open-hearted attitude about those who are different.

Along with instruction on how to protect themselves, how to stand up for what’s right, we need to give children tools to do so in a peaceful and productive manner.  We must show them how to deal with anger in constructive ways and how to turn off hate-filled propaganda. We can only teach what we know and practice.

We are human beings who must learn to live together as one big, often dysfunctional, but always respectful and non-violent family. Devoted to the heart-evolving path of finding sameness in our difference.