Author: Regina Cates

My partner Barbara began feeling bad late one Friday afternoon. Saturday she was worse.  By Sunday she was unable to swallow or talk without horrible pain. Monday morning she went to the doctor. He immediately sent her to a specialist who had to perform an emergency procedure that was excruciatingly painful. Neither doctor had a clue why Barbara’s tonsil became abscessed.  But it did, and almost overnight.

She was in such pain. It is so hard to watch the people we love suffer. And, for me who threw up while having my ears pierced, I am not the strongest around blood and other things that happen to our bodies when we get sick or injured.

I am happy to say I was there for her. It’s like some magical power took over and I was not fearful, I stayed calm and I did not faint or throw up.  No, I was a rock, even when I listened to each and every detail of what she had to go through so she could cry and let it go.

It is amazing what we can do when we have to. Love gives us super powers to rise to the occasion so we are there for those we care for. Yes, love is constant and has incredible powers to endure whatever it is called to do. Love does show up for the good as well as the bad.

I love the multicolored twinkling lights that adorn homes and offices. I adore the aroma of warm cookies and sweet treats baking. I get teary-eyed at the sounds of carolers as I am taken back to pleasant childhood memories of doing the same with my friends. I cherish the tinkling of the Salvation Army bell that reminds us of those less fortunate.

I like the confused look on my little dog’s face when I snap a photo of her in reindeer antlers. I love spending a week writing holiday cards, reinforcing my connection to treasured people in my life. I appreciate the Jewish tradition of lighting the Hanukkah Menorah for the Festival of Lights and the heart-based motivation behind the Christmas tradition of God-consciousness being birthed in the form of the man Jesus.

Yes, I love the reverence for spiritual enlightenment, festivities, fun, food and gatherings for the holidays. And I hate the consumerism that is so pervasive this time of year.

It used to be well past Thanksgiving before holiday ads started to appear. Now I am still roaming around in my Halloween vampire costume when the relentless assault begins. The twinkling lights, tinkling bells, and carolers are a mere whisper among the roar of ads for the countless “things” we should wrap up for our loved ones to show that we care.

When did what we buy become more important than standing by?  When did presents become more important than presence? When did “things” become the most important things?

I had to honestly ask myself these questions because there was a time when I had forgotten the reasons for the season and had almost drowned in debt. For too many years, I gave too many presents that were too big for my budget.

From an early age, I felt as if I was molded into being a holiday purchasing machine. I was constantly bombarded by product ads promising to make me and other people happy. I spent much of my life surrounding myself and others with things. So, I got used to whipping out the credit card, without caring how I was going to pay when the bill arrived. Nor did I stop to question if giving and receiving “things” was actually the way to joy or peace. Then one holiday season I had a life-changing “aha” while reading Charles Dickens’s classic novel A Christmas Carol.

When I first encountered Ebenezer Scrooge, I thought he was a despicable individual. He was rich and stingy, angry and miserable, seemingly without heart. He cared nothing for anyone except himself. Despising the poor and hungry, he was a cruel boss who forced poor Bob Cratchit, his ever-loyal employee, to work long hours in horrible conditions, paying him almost nothing.

Scrooge was a dastardly man, yet by the end of the tale he had become my hero. His complete transformation, from mean and miserly to kind and generous, left a deep and lasting impression on me.

The old Scrooge showed me that money, things, and power over others are not the source of joy and satisfaction. The enlightened Scrooge taught me that it is the heart connection we make with our fellow human beings and all life that creates joy and contentment in our lives. Scrooge helped me realize that to “keep up with the Joneses” or blindly follow the “gift giving” standard set for me by a global sales force was a shallow and irresponsible endeavor; one that did not align with the real reasons for the season.

Yes, the holidays are a time when we give and receive. And it pays to remember that the most precious gifts are those that cannot be purchased but come from our heart.

This holiday season, let’s make the conscious decision to make presence more important than presents. Let’s place greater value on standing by, than what we buy, those we love.  Let’s make our relationships the most important thing.

Let’s refuse to equate consumerism with love. Let’s remember that the true motivation behind the holidays is to extend kindness, patience, peace and generosity to friends, family, and our fellow human beings. Let’s remember those whose need is greater than our own. These are the real reasons for the season.

I was brought up in a fundamentalist Christian church in Texas. I was taught God is angry, vengeful and male. As a small child, God was scary and something to fear. But that did not make sense to my soul. So I decided to do my own research, because to me leaving limiting beliefs about the Divine unexamined is really limiting God.

Regardless of what other people wanted me to believe, it made sense if a supreme awareness initiated the events resulting in the creation of everything, then a part of that consciousness must reside in all human beings and in all that is alive.  This means, by design the original creative consciousness bestowed a spark of itself equally in both men and women. Judaism teaches every person (Jewish and non-Jewish) was created b’tzelem Elohim, which is Hebrew for “in God’s image.” For this reason, every person is equally important and has an infinite potential to do good in the world.

One indication a supreme consciousness was placed into male form by male authors and translators of the Christian Bible is found in the meaning of the word Jesus Christ used originally to address the Divine in the Lord’s Prayer. According to the monk Michael Green,

When Jesus lived he spoke Aramaic, an archaic language that frames matters of the Spirit more softly, and perhaps more appropriately, than the truncated Latin, German or English translations of the gospel that are now so much a part of our heritage. Biblical scholars inform us now that when the Son of Mary addressed the mystery of Godhead, the actual word Jesus used is ABWOOM, a term that has always been rendered for us as Our Father, but would be more properly understood as Our Mother-Father-All-in-All.

I hold a deep faith within my heart an infinite loving power exists. To me, it is one who gives birth to all, or our divine parent, or Radiance who shines through all that is. I believe it has no specific gender, race, or ethnicity. It does not exclusively endorse any one person, group of people, or particular set of religious beliefs.

These all-inclusive, positive, life-affirming values allow me to honor the divine spark of it equally in each human being regardless of gender, race, social status, position within society, or spiritual practice. Inclusive acceptance also fosters a deep appreciation for, and obligation to honor and protect, all animals and the natural world.

When we change our view to include the Divine in all life, we can see God in one another and in ourselves.  I believe accepting the Divine cannot be boxed into one form is the surrender necessary for ego to fall away and heart to take the lead. Only heart/soul, the home to our Divine spark, can foster an intimate relationship with the Divine, with ourselves and with all life.

One of the truths I hold dear is this quote by Lord Acton. He wrote these famous words in opposition to the Catholic Church’s doctrine of papal infallibility. Acton did not believe the pope was infallible and issued a caution that anyone in a position of such power can easily be corrupted. In his experience, and mine, power does corrupt. And, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

We live in a time when we are surrounded by corruption.  Holding personal integrity in high esteem has succumbed to a profit driven, winner take all, who cares about the consequences of my actions attitude that leaves a social, environmental, relationship and spiritual chaos in its wake.  We cannot create our best life by behaving in ways that are illegal and morally corrupt. The energy we put out eventually returns to us. So, if we want good, peaceful relationships and to raise our children in a responsible and caring world, we must make being people of integrity most important. We must take a personal stand against corruption, negativity and injustice. It starts by weeding out the negative and unjust in our own lives.

We work hard to stay positive and loving in our interactions with family, friends and the strangers we meet.  We set boundaries against unacceptable behavior and also teach our children to say no to the illegal and unethical. We carefully monitor what we allow into our heart and mind as entertainment.  We educate ourselves on issues rather than accept gossip and opinion as truth. We make a positive contribution to cleaning up the planet and we focus on teaching compassion, respect and kindness for all life. We stand up against injustice, racism, oppression, bullying, abuse and xenophobia (fear of foreigners). We refuse to support anyone, any person or organization (governmental, religious, social, community, business, entertainment, news, etc.) that propagates hate, fear, divisiveness, inequality, genderism, homophobia, war and negative behaviors that keep us divided or justify abusing others.

The world will not change until we change it.  We can correct what is wrong in our individual and collective lives. We accept another powerful truth – all positive change we want to see begins with you and me.

I enjoy cooking, so last Thanksgiving I wanted to prepare everything for the meal. My mother-in-law has been cooking for eighty plus years and I thought it would be a great gift for her to have a break. So when she asked what she could bring I said, “How about you just come and enjoy the day.”  From the look on her face I immediately knew she was disappointed. But in that moment I was only focused on my desire to give her the gift of not having to cook.

Later that day it hit me. While I thought I was giving her a gift I was actually refusing her the pleasure she gets from cooking. I called her and said, “Elsa, what do you want to bring.” I heard her light up, “I’d like to make the dressing and Brussels sprouts with mushrooms, onion and garlic too,” she said with joy in her voice. “That will be wonderful,” I told her.

Thanksgiving is about gratitude and I am grateful to have honored her desire to contribute.  In the end I really did give her the best gift and it gave me so much more joy than the happiness I thought she would get from not having to cook.

Today I want to talk with you about the side of love that receives with the same grace it gives.  I understand completely how good it feels to give to others.  We get such satisfaction and joy from freely giving of ourselves and our resources. What a loving act of grace it is to give.  And, because we know how fantastic it feels to give, why does it seem so hard for some of us to receive with the same grace? Aren’t we denying the giver the same pleasure we get from giving?

If you are uncomfortable receiving, I challenge you to open your heart.  The next time someone gives you something just say, “Thank you.” Put yourself in their position.  Remember how it feels to give and be told, “You shouldn’t have or I don’t deserve this.” You don’t want someone who gives you a gift to feel bad because you cannot accept graciously.  It is love that lets you feel what it’s like to be the one who gives. It is love that also lets you feel what it is like to graciously receive.

Love yourself and others by accepting the gifts you receive with the same grace with which you give. Doing so is giving the gift of respect to those you give to you. Remember a joy-filled heart is one that graciously gives and receives.