It’s Never Too Late

better-halfl_RYS_500x500BI was 43 years old before I was confident being me. It happened only after I stopped wanting someone else to be my loudest supporter and biggest fan and I started being these for myself.

I was also 43 when I experienced true emotional intimacy for the first time. It happened only after I stopped trying to have it with someone else before I had established it with myself.

And, I was 47 years old before I found my right partner. It happened only after I stopped focusing on finding someone and concentrated completely on being someone worth finding.

I am grateful to have reached these personal growth milestones even if it took half my life to achieve them. The rest of life can be fantastic even if the first half was challenging.

Hang in there because how long it takes is not what is important. Eventually achieving peace, self-acceptance, self-respect and love, is worth each and every moment.

RYS 135: Your Life Mission – BE Happy

In this Episode:

 

Life is filled with so much joy, satisfaction and inspiration. No matter what challenges you face you are in control of how to best deal with the ups and downs of your relationships, career and health. The goal is not to have a perfect life. The goal is to create a happy life, no matter what.

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RYS 134: When Self-first is Not Selfish

In this Episode:

 

You are an individual. So am I. As individuals it is only possible for us to be one half of the relationship we have with each other. Our goal in the relationship we have with each other is to be our best half. On the other hand, in the relationship we have with ourselves, you and I are the entire relationship. Our goal in the relationship we have with ourselves is to be whole by loving ourselves first, so we know how to love each other well.

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RYS 133: Your Love is Strong, But …

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If  I had a magic wand I’d touch it to the hearts of those who hurt others and yet claim to love. If I had a magic wand I’d touch it to the hearts of those who allow themselves to be hurt by others and yet claim they are loved. One of the biggest misconceptions we have about relationships is that we have the power to change another person.  If we’re just more understanding, patient, loving, open, scream louder, say it in a different way, etc., then he or she will wake up and get it.  If it were that easy I would wave my magic wand and the world would transform overnight.

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One Way to Love Your Family

untitledIt’s hard watching the news about the passing of Prince. At 59 I know how young 57 is and how much life lay in front of him. We don’t know exactly what happened. In the coming weeks we’ll find out more about the cause of his untimely death. Today we are learning Prince died without leaving a will.

My aunt passed away last year without a will so I know firsthand the additional suffering Prince’s family will go through as the courts decide how to divide his current estate and future earnings. It will take years of possibly heated legal battles. Attorney fees will slowly eat away at his vast fortune. And, maybe a will or trust documents will be found sparing his family this unnecessary additional heart-break.

I know you and I don’t like to think about the end of life but please do so. One of the most important ways you can show love for your family is to have your affairs in order. Please, please, please take time to listen to my podcast on the importance of this subject. Just as Celine Dion’s husband, Rene Angelil did, getting your affairs in order NOW, is indeed a self-less act of love. 

https://itunes.apple.com/…/rys-119-a-self-less…/id935173998…

RYS 132: It Takes Two to Tango

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I don’t know how to dance the Argentine Tango with its virtually unlimited improvisational opportunities or the American/International Tango where specific steps and patterns are learned for competitive events. If I want to be part of a successful dance team, whether it is for competition or just out for fun on Saturday night, I first have to learn how to dance. The same is true of my having successful relationships because those also require me to be able to move in rhythmic partnership to an ever changing dance of interpersonal dynamics.

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We Grow With the Help of Others

relationship-with-othersIt used to upset me when people pointed out things about my manners they thought were inappropriate. I did not welcome being told, “You do not listen. You are too impulsive. You are emotionally disconnected. You really need to think before you speak. You are irresponsible.”

The nerve! Then one day my heart was open and I heard what was said. Honestly taking the comments into consideration resulted in a new realization: when I become uncomfortable with, or offended by, something someone says about me, or when someone challenges my actions, it is a red flag, a sign for me to look within.

Instead of getting angry and impulsively shooting the messenger, as I had in the past, I took to heart what was offered. With honest assessment, I recognized the behaviors pointed out about me were true. By responsibly questioning why my ego was pricked, I was able to accept other people’s observations.

Taking their comments to heart, I began focusing on truly listening to other people. With practice I learned how to quiet my mind so I heard what was being said. I concentrated on keeping myself from interrupting or formulating a response while someone was still talking.

Teaching myself to remain connected to someone’s words as they spoke also helped me learn to be a more patient person. I realized that when I am patient I am also present in the moment. When I am present in the moment I am connected to my heart and what I am feeling. And once I had the patience and awareness to think before speaking, it became easier to discern those who were making accurate observations about my behavior from those who just projected their shortcomings onto me.

Today, I work to remain aware of, and connected to, my words and conduct by listening as I want to be heard, speaking as I want to be spoken to, and treating other people as I want to be treated. Yet no matter how closely I pay attention to my thoughts, words, and actions, I am not perfect by a long shot—I never will be, and that’s okay. Occasionally someone still points out something he or she sees about me that could be improved. I voluntarily take the advice. Now I recognize that one handy tool for identifying necessary change in myself is to listen to and appreciate the messenger.

By being open to what others say, we receive gifts in the form of answers and candid observations about ourselves that, if listened to, sincerely evaluated, and applied, will make us better people. And when we are better people, our relationships will be better.

RYS 131: How I lost 63 Pounds and How I Keep it Off

In this Episode:

 

At one time I was obese. The short answer to how I lost the extra weight is, I worked my rear end off through exercise to burn the 220,500 calories necessary to get back down to 130 pounds. The long answer is that before I hit the gym, before I committed to a new habit of eating healthy, and before I could care for my physical body as a daily lifestyle, I had to confront my emotions and why I was stuffing them with food.

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Uncovering Your Superhero Self

When I was a little girl I loved superheroes. In comic books, movies, and flights of imagination, superheroes defended us mortals from villains bent on world domination. They fought for justice. No matter what personal adversities they faced, no matter how big the bribe, they remained committed to exposing the injustices of society. They did so while adhering to moral excellence. They lifted my spirits and sparked my imagination:

What if I too had superhuman powers?

Superheroes are real. They are not only the superhuman subjects of fantastical stories, they are normal people. In fact, we are surrounded by them; they simply look different from how we imagine a superhero should look. They do not wear capes, or have X-ray vision or lightning bolts shooting out of their fingers. They do not stand out in a crowd, because they look like everyone else. They look like you and like me and like our next-door neighbors.

Becoming a real-life superhero is much less dramatic than you may imagine. It does not require being bitten by a radioactive spider, or being caught in the blast of a gamma bomb, or being hurled to Earth seconds before your home planet explodes. You become a superhero by choosing to master yourself through developing a positive sense of purpose for each day, for life, and for how you personally make the world a better place.

Self-love, respect, and inner peace come from learning how to travel through life in the easiest and most fulfilling manner. Finding the path of least resistance requires accepting it is your actions that create your life. Through self-assessment, you identify those aspects of your behavior, beliefs, judgments, and fears that are preventing you from creating the life you truly want.

Confronting your behavior is not nearly as difficult a process as you may believe. Yes, it takes time to be comfortable looking candidly at yourself. At first, what you consider faults stand out under the bright lights of self-evaluation. So you may tell yourself it is easier not to look. Yet, if you do not look at yourself, it is impossible to see what you do like about you. Without self-assessment it is also impossible to identify those aspects of yourself that you do not like but can change.

Getting to the heart of the matter of self-change requires shifting your ego’s focus from the laundry list of what everyone else needs to do to make your life easier to concentrating on what you can change about yourself. To begin moving past your ego’s resistance to change, ask yourself these questions:

  • Do you own your behavior, or do you pass the buck for your actions?
  • Do you evaluate yourself and others based on seeking facts, or do you allow reactive ego to jump to judgment?
  • Are you blindly following the beliefs of others, or do you seek to establish your own?
  • Does fear keep you tied up in knots, or have you chosen to walk in faith?

Don’t be upset or judgmental if what you discover is disappointing. There was a time I was not the person I told myself I was. Today I am the person I always wanted to be only because I took time to determine what was not right about me.

Only when you know what needs changing can you change your path, so your life changes for the better. Positive change begins by being truthful with you, about you. Intentionally looking within, you reach the understanding of who you are, what you value, what about yourself is going right, what is not going right, and what wounds need to heal.

By honestly looking at yourself, your heart begins to take the lead in creating your life. Your life as a superhero.

 

RYS 130: Attention Deficient No More

In this Episode:

 

When I was younger I spent much time daydreaming.  In school, in church, while watching television, when mom and dad were talking. I was constantly distracted by my thoughts. Needless to say I was not a good student. So while pursuing my master’s degree I genuinely wanted to do my best. I consulted a psychiatrist who, after a long series of tests, diagnosed me with Attention Deficit Disorder. Aptly so, since I was so easily distracted I could not finish reading one sentence without my mind carrying me off to whatever it got distracted by.

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