Author: Regina Cates

Recently I wrote a piece for an on-line magazine for its spirituality section. Although the article was about forgiveness and love, the editor wanted to put my photo in front of the word hate to accompany the article. After much discussion and protest on my part the photo was changed, but he did so begrudgingly.

One very huge thing bothered me about this. Every photo put on the internet stays on the internet forever!  The photo of me smiling with the word hate behind me, would have gone out on the internet without the accompanying article, to stand alone without explanation.  Anyone Googling my name would pull up the photo of me, with my smiling face, with the word HATE behind me.

You may not remember, but I do, the negative impact a standalone photo had on a very young Jane Fonda when she innocently held up a rifle in Vietnam during the war. A photo was snapped of her smiling, holding the rifle, and to this day she is still thought of by some a traitor. The truth is, she was too young to know the reality of what was going to happen. This happened way before the internet.

There is a huge difference between following the guidance of our head and the justifications it makes and our heart that has wisdom to see the big picture.  To create our best life it is vital to use our heart to evaluate what our head tells us because every one of our actions results in a consequence. We take time to determine the possible consequences of our actions before we act. And, we stand up and defend ourselves against those people who do not have the heart-awareness to see what is clear to us as the higher, more loving and positive way of moving in the world.

Today, take time to evaluate what you put on the internet.  Not from fear, but simply from the perspective of knowing it will be around forever.  Make certain you are proud of what you are saying and doing. Make sure you are not allowing other people to have any control over the lasting image you are leaving out there.

Have you ever been in the wrong place and the wrong time to have someone come out of left field and be rude to you?  This happened to my partner and me recently when a woman started shouting at us at a red light. It was clear she was enraged, but not at us. We were already stopped at the light when she drove up. When we happened to look over she just went ballistic. My partner and I both took a deep breath and ignored her. As soon as the light changed she floored her car and sped away still angry.

The key thing to remember is, when someone is so enraged they are willing to take it out on an innocent stranger, they are not thinking. They are on auto-pilot of a deeply wounded ego. They are mad at something or someone. People who lash out are basically out of control so there is no talking to them to point out how they are behaving. They may be aware of their behavior but are blinded by their ego so they are looking for someone, anyone to pick a fight with, and to dump aggression and anger upon.

Don’t take it personally. When people do something so irrational like what happened to me and my partner, they are directing their frustration, disappointment, and anger outward. Chances are they are really mad at themselves and vomit their disappointment onto others rather than look within to deal with the source of their pain.

Love yourself by being the emotionally responsible one and refuse to engage. No, it is not necessarily easy but it is definitely worth you taking the high road to not get involved with someone who is not in control of themselves.

One night I got a call from a friend/family member who was in the hospital after badly cutting two of his fingers.  He was very upset and while waiting for the surgeon he reached out to me. He is a master wood worker and while accidents do happen, he is positive this mishap was the result of being distracted by a personal problem. He began to cry and said, “I know this happened as a wakeup call because I can’t live this way anymore.” While in pain from his hand, he confessed the greatest hurt was inside, and asked for my help to find and release the source of his anguish.

When we are traveling down the wrong path in life we get lots of wake up calls. Sometimes they begin gently, like a nudge from the Universe. If we don’t listen they become stronger. If we still don’t listen the wake up calls become painful. I completely understand because I had to lose almost everything before I woke up and began to pay attention.

I was downsized from an executive position right before 9/11. Without any prospect of a job in the city where I’d lived for twenty years I had to move away. I was forced to sell the new home I’d moved into only two years before. I had to leave the beautiful English cottage garden I’d built stone by stone and plant by plant. I lost my relationship. It seemed overnight I was involuntarily removed from the familiar, from friends, from the life I knew. But it was far from overnight. I’d received and ignored signs for a very long time.  Until one day the life I was living was literally taken from me. Today I realize how fortunate I am because in the process of life falling apart I found myself.

When you get a gentle nudge from the powers that be, don’t ignore it. Bravely turn to face whatever in life (relationships, job, addiction, finances, etc.) is not going well. It is not easy to assume responsibility and make changes. But when things in life fall apart there is a reason and an opportunity to find what you can change about you or a situation for the better.