Author: Regina Cates

My most beloved friend, Byll, is over six feet tall. His petite wife stands almost five feet. Those of us who know him are never surprised when he shows up for a visit wearing a kilt. He has been known to shave his legs for a bike race. Sometimes he adds black nail polish to complete an outfit.

He is super smart. When he was a senior in high school, Harvard University wanted him. Instead, he chose to pursue his bachelor’s and Master of Fine Arts degrees at a Southern college. Long after graduation, he is continuously learning, devouring books, journals, and periodicals on various subjects.

My friend is not a fan of opinion. He is careful to weigh subject matter with great attention to detail. He seeks tangible evidence, fact, and public records to support his views on politics and social justice. He examines the world with an open mind and open heart. He ponders matters so deeply, he could have been Rodin’s model for The Thinker. And when disagreements arise, he remains even tempered, respectful, and kind.

He is patient, which is an important merit to have in our relationship, since he does not believe in God. I do believe in a benevolent, creative energy I call God. So there is an immense difference between us, one that could have ended our friendship before it began.

We may have different beliefs about God, but my friend Byll is a true superhero who respects me, regardless of how we differ. I respect him too. In fact, our discussions about God challenged me to question why I do believe in God and what I believe God is. Without being urged to examine the rote and often illogical answers programmed into me by my religious upbringing, I would not have come to appreciate God as I do. My atheist friend’s calm and peaceful conviction about what is true for him helped me grow the profound faith I have.

Have you ever discussed God with an atheist or scientist?

With respect as the foundation of our relationship, Byll and I seek to appreciate one another. We approach our friendship with the goal of benefiting from our often divergent beliefs. Both of us want to grasp each other’s perspective and engage in discussion about it. This is not easy, but it is rewarding and enlightening.

To understand one another, don’t we have the duty to stop ourselves from assuming our belief has to be what other people believe as well?

 My atheist friend Byll is one of the kindest and most responsible people I know. He is a man of honor whose consistent behavior is admirable. I know from years of observing my friend that having a deep reverence for people, and all life, is not dependent upon a belief in God or devotion to the Bible or any religious identity.

My dear friend Byll does not believe in God, yet he walks in loving thoughtfulness, respect, and responsibility. I do believe in God and also work hard to treat everyone as I want to be treated. Neither of us is perfect. But striving to live as love in action is our shared goal.

When we label someone, our mind’s tendency is to immediately jump to judgment about the person. Persecution of someone prevents us from wanting to have any connection with them, as we have already made them less than, different, and “other” in our mind. Labels and the verdicts that result from them cause us to ignore the experiences and feelings of those we do not want to know.

One-dimensional labels do not mean anything to God.

Why do labels have any value to those who say they love God? 

No matter the skin color, gender, or sexuality of our human body, the integrity of our soul matters most to God. Since soul is home to the honesty, empathy, and respect of our integrity, we can only love one another with soul.

This is my friend, Brijesh Kumar Yadav, and his dog Puaa. They live in Pooranpur, Uttar Pradesh, India. We have been friends for four years. Living where he does, in a small village in India, it is difficult to get things you and I may take for granted. Like vaccines and health care. Running water and dependable electricity. Transportation and veterinary care. And many people are still dying of Covid.  Early in the pandemic Brijesh’s mother was one of Covid’s first victims.

After his mom passed, I encouraged him to adopt a street dog. I wanted him to have something all his own to love him. Over the past several months I have educated Brijesh on how to take care of a dog. It has been challenging. There are no vets where he lives. So, recently, after a six hour round trip by cab to a large city, Puaa was neutered. It also took several months and much difficulty to get Puaa his vaccines.

For me these things and others (like running water, dependable electricity, transportation, a refrigerator) are commonplace.  For my friend they are not.  We live in very different worlds. Knowing him has made the gratitude for all I have so much deeper. I love him dearly and in addition to helping with Puaa, I am investing in Brijesh’s future by helping him get an education. I want him to have the tools necessary so he can create his best life.

When we stop and think about it, we realize it is the little things in life that are most important. Being grateful for all we have, how convenient our lives are, how blessed we are, I believe is one way we love God. I believe another way we love God is to care for, help, and support one another as we want to be cared for, helped, and supported.

I am deeply grateful for my relationship with Brijesh. He is now part of my family. And each day I am grateful for him and how our relationship keeps me grateful for all I am blessed to have.

As Jami said, “We can spend a whole lifetime enjoying various benefits and not appreciate their value until we are deprived of them.”  Brijesh has taught me how truly blessed I am. For that I am eternally grateful.

Two of my neighbors have a long history of fighting with one another. Although they never get violent or even threaten each other physically, it still becomes uncomfortable for everyone in our small building when they start going at each other. Last night it happened again with door slamming and screaming. This morning one of them showed up at my door to vent. So I sat and listened.

In circumstances like this, when we are involuntarily pulled into someone’s difficulties, we can offer support without verbally supporting a particular side by simply listening without comment. The simple act of allowing someone to be heard without judgment often allows them to move on without our having to become involved, or to gossip, or to try to fix something that does not need our trying to fix it.

Please accept that you are making a huge difference in the lives of others simply by listening to them to understand. Just by letting someone know they matter you are being a positive influence.  By caring you are being an ambassador of love. And love is the most powerful force there is.

In the alcove of a storefront, close to the corner of Fairfax and Wilshire in Los Angeles, California, I sobbed in this homeless man’s arms. I did not know the man. Most likely I will not see him again. But I will not forget the moment our hearts touched in the intimate dance of raw truth: He lives on the street, and I, in a warm apartment.

Our exchange began when I commented on his dog. He smiled very proudly and said, “Yeah, she’s great. I’ve got her back and she’s got mine.”

As he spoke, he gently petted the dog. I reached into my wallet and took out all the money I had. Without counting or caring what he would do with it, I handed it to him.

He hesitantly took it. As our hands touched, my tears began. The man reached out, wrapped me in his arms and said, “It is okay. We’re okay out here. Thank you for caring.”

As I turned to leave, he said, “I love you.”

I looked him in the eyes and said, “I love you too.”

Until then I had never said “I love you,” to a complete stranger, someone I had just met and with whom I had exchanged only a few brief moments of conversation. However, when I spontaneously responded to the man with “I love you,” I meant it from the bottom of my heart and with every part of my being. There was no judgment. My soul was simply wide open, and the pure, honest emotion of caring deeply for the man came pouring out.

Love is who we are, when we allow ourselves to be it. 

Each of us experiences countless transformational moments in life. Occasions when we are given the opportunity to advance the ability we have, as soul, to let unconditional love move through us without allowing fear, judgment, or expectation to stop us.

This was one of my moments, and I took it. I saw him and his dog and could have passed them by. But I heard a voice in my heart say, See him and tell him he is seen!

My choice to listen to and act upon my heart’s compassion opened me to a lesson I was only able to learn with the willingness to experience the sincerity of our exchange. Holding the man and allowing him to hold me birthed a deep and profound understanding of what it means to be vulnerable to caring, without expectations or conditions. The kind of affection we want to experience. The depth of intimacy we long for. The magnificent feeling of being connected to unconditional love in ourselves and in another human being.

Isn’t the goal of all religions to teach us to love one another like we love ourselves?

Whatever you wish that men would do to you, do so to them. ~ Christianity

What is hateful to you, do not to your fellow man. ~ Judaism

Not one of you is a believer until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself. ~ Islam

One should not behave towards others in a way which is disagreeable to oneself. ~ Hinduism

Hurt not others with that which pains yourself. ~ Buddhism

This is not a complete list, as I have only included the world’s top five religions. Yet the Golden Rule is the foundation for all other world religions too, and provides proof that God (whatever that energy is) was instrumental in the establishment of all religions.

In the exchange I had with the homeless man, I could have ignored the “heart-calling” I heard. In fact, if I had listened to and obeyed my fault-finding side, I would have kept on walking. The man was dirty and smelled bad. Maybe he would hurt or rob me. He should get a job. The dog might have had fleas. There were numerous fear-based excuses for why I should not stop.

Instead of giving in to judgmental excuses, though, I chose to follow my heart’s direction and act from nonjudgmental and unconditional acceptance. The soul I am did not care about the man’s tattered clothing, dirt, or body odor. Soul led me to hold him in my arms without scorn. Soul only cared about his kind spirit. In return, the soul he is accepted and returned my loving kindness.

I remember when I was young, my mother said, “We never know if someone we meet may be one of God’s angels.” My sweet, homeless man was an angel. He was God’s messenger of wisdom who taught me love is more than caring and affection for those closest to us.  And so was my angel friend John who lived on the streets for 25 years.

He and I spoke often. When Covid-19 hit and the restaurants in our neighborhood that usually fed him closed, my neighbors and I made food for him. John was not mentally ill. He did not want to go to a shelter because he said they were not safe. Our local post office allowed him to stay inside overnight. Often he was there when Pat was working alone. She told me she felt safe knowing John was there with her.

John was on the streets because of some bad life decisions he made. We never really discussed it and it didn’t matter because to me and everyone who met John he was just a kind neighborhood friend. John’s only wish was to go back east to tell his nieces and nephews not to make the same mistakes he had made. He never got to make that trip.

John passed away in December of last year. The last day I saw him was when I gave him a new sweater and pair of socks for Christmas.  He said, “Thank you so much for your kindness.”

I still miss him. We all miss John.  He, like the homeless man I hugged, are people who made my life better for having known them.

I don’t have the one magic bullet solution to the crisis of homelessness. I also don’t suggest you hug every homeless person you meet. What I am asking us to do is to lead with compassion rather than judgment. Let’s see the unhoused as fellow human beings. Let’s say hello, make eye contact, buy them a meal, do something to be the positive change in someone’s life. Because in my experience our lives are changed for the better too when we are ambassadors of God’s love.

As a spiritual teacher and author I regularly discuss topics we would prefer not to talk about. There are so many things we face in life that are painful, so our tendency is to run from them, try to ignore them, or sweep them under the rug, so to speak. But in my experience the hard, hurtful experiences we so want to avoid don’t just magically go away. We have to intentionally let them go by bravely talking about the hard to talk about.

Like how to forgive sexual abuse. I was eleven when a sixteen-year-old male babysitter sexually molested me. I was eighteen when a physician casually ordered his nurse to leave the room so he would be free to sexually molest me in private. I am far from alone. I am not proud to tell you the majority of women I know have either been sexually abused or know of people, women or men, who have been.

One of my women friends was sexually abused by her father between the ages of eight and eleven. Her mother knew about it and did nothing to stop it, because she was financially dependent on her husband and had been threatened to stay silent or lose the means to live.

Since her mother was frightened into being an unwilling accomplice to the sexual assault, my friend suffered the long-term effects of abandonment by both her parents. She struggled for years to cope with her horrible past. A history which, as a child, she had no power to prevent or change.

Because my friend was physically, emotionally, and psychologically abused as a child, she allowed herself to be mistreated in her adult years, either by other people or by hurting herself.  She developed posttraumatic stress disorder, an unhealthy relationship with food, was repeatedly admitted to psychiatric hospitals, and lived in fear and self-doubt.

And today she is enjoying a peaceful life because she chose to heal.

But how did she do it?

She chose to forgive.

Forgiving those who harmed her so horribly does not mean my friend accepted the negative treatment she endured as okay. She realized she did not deserve to be abused. She came to realize that forgiving means releasing the resentment she held because she believed her parents should have done better than they did. They did not, so she chose to do better in order to free herself of the resentment that was destroying her life.

Although memories of the abuse continue (we don’t forgive and magically forget) to surface she is no longer haunted by them. One of the reasons for her dramatic transformation is, my friend intentionally chose to move herself out of a victim mentality. It took effort and much self-love since for many years she ignored her negative behavior and how she allowed herself to be treated. She felt deserving of bad treatment because she was treated so terribly in the past.

One day she realized hurting herself or allowing pent up anger and self-loathing to abuse other people would never get back at the people who hurt her in the first place. Therefore, to heal, she chose to move on from her past by dropping the identification and behavior of being a “victim.”

Although not a religious person, she came to accept and depend on the powerful, kind, and forgiving force (soul) within her to provide the strength and willpower necessary to leave the abuse of her past in the past. She intentionally worked to master her mind with a mind of its own by learning to evaluate each of the negative memories from the perspective of being a witness rather than a victim.  And she taught herself to remain aware of her thoughts, to evaluate each, to determine if they are valuable, loving, kind, and self-supportive.

One of her most powerful realizations was understanding that if her parents could have done better they would have. If her mother and father had been in touch with their emotions they would have had empathy for her and would never have subjected her to abuse.  She came to know love does not abuse, use, or mistreat – ever.  My friend realized people who are hurting, hurt others, just as she had done.  She came to be aware of the truth, people who heal the pain of their abuse also choose not to pass their wounding onto others.  Out of self-love and respect they stop the cycle of abuse and refuse to hurt themselves and others.

These revelations gave her the power to forgive her father for the abuse and her mother for not protecting her.  Acknowledging she was powerless to prevent what happened to her, she also forgave herself for the misguided and self-destructive idea she should have or could have done something to avoid the cruelty. Realizing she could not have prevented the unpreventable or now change the unchangeable, she was able to release resentment over her powerlessness. Forgiveness allowed her to free herself of bitterness, anger, fear, and desire for revenge.

Forgiving allowed me to be free too.

Certainly my friend and I did not heal overnight. It took years of thoughtful and caring effort. However, when we realized people only do better when they emotionally know better, we began releasing resentment over our past. It was letting go of the bitterness we carried about how her parents, my babysitter, and the physician should not have done what they did that allowed us to speed up the healing process.

Regardless what happened to you, whether it was in the past or today, releasing resentment and what you think should or could have been is a key needed to unlock the door to your freedom. Freeing yourself of animosity is accepting the reality that once an action is done it cannot be undone.  No matter how much you may want someone to take back or own up to the harm they caused, they cannot change the past. Just as you cannot take back anything you have done to hurt yourself or others.

Suffering over the past does not allow you to live today. Planning to be free of anger and resentment someday prevents you from creating joy and fulfillment today. Now, today, is the only time to release the past, to have the best present, so you create a fulfilling future.

I promise, through my own healing experience and by working with abused people throughout the world, if you choose to respond to challenges by releasing anger over what happened to you in life, the need for revenge and restitution vanishes. Discharging resentment over what cannot be changed is a powerful action of self-love. Letting go of bitterness helps heal your emotional wounds so you do not take your pain out on those you say you love or on the strangers you meet each day. Releasing anger over what cannot be changed is truly the only way to take back your power from those who abused, judged, or ridiculed you.

For your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being, and because you care for yourself, choose to let go of what you cannot control or change. Set healthy boundaries today. Do not allow yourself to be abused. You will not forget but you can cut the ties that bind you to your abuser. Start by thinking of forgiveness like rain. It cleanses and nourishes the earth. Forgiveness (letting go of resentment over what cannot be changed) will cleans and nourish your heart.

But we don’t think of ourselves in this way. We view ourselves as human beings with a soul. But what if we choose to engage in a spiritual paradigm shift and see ourselves, and other people, as “spiritual beings alive within a human body?” What would this positive shift in how we view ourselves and other people have on our daily interactions, our relationships, our faith?

Incredible, I believe.

Who we are and our reason for being is an age old question. Since the beginning of recorded time, humans have documented the search for the answer to who we are. How did the ancients comprehend themselves among the points of light in the night sky? Did they feel small surrounded by the majesty of the natural world?

The Greek sage Aristotle wanted to understand our reality and believed all people, by nature, desire to know. Over the centuries, countless scientists and philosophers continued the quest to discover our place in the universe and the meaning of life. Since the mid-twentieth century, physicists have worked on a Theory of Everything, a single formula to answer all of our big questions.

You and I are no different from the great pursuers of significant answers in our desire to truly be aware of ourselves. Each of us is hard-wired to examine and navigate the ever-growing realm of inner and outer discovery.  With each new achievement, we seem more certain of who we are.

We are physical beings capable of fantastic feats of strength and endurance. We are intellectual beings who create scientific, medical, and technological marvels. We are emotional beings with an extraordinary capacity for sensitivity.  We experience ourselves and our surroundings through the senses of sight, hearing, touch, smell, and taste.

In addition to the physical, emotional, and intellectual capacities and the senses by which we perceive stimuli originating from outside or inside our body, a higher wisdom exists within us. I have known it from my first memory.

I was two years old.  I was watching my newborn sister being carried by two nuns down a long sidewalk.  The tips of their hats flopped up and down in rhythm to their synchronized footsteps.  I was aware of each step, each sway of their robes as they moved closer and closer.  My senses were heightened. The sky was a magnificent deep blue.  Seagulls squawked overhead.  The air smelled like the sea. A cool breeze raised goose-bumps on my arm.

I watched expectantly from the back seat of our car as the nuns gently placed a bundle in my mother’s lap.  I peeked over the seat and saw a tiny pink face, eyes squeezed tight against the bright sunlight.

Unable to have children of their own, our parents adopted my sister and me.  Many important events in life have left crystal–clear memories within my heart, but none compares to the special day when my sister joined our family.  Awakened to the power of living in the present moment, I received a sister, and with an open heart I became conscious of all we are.

It took years for me to describe what actually happened on that day.  As a child, being present and open–hearted is natural. And, as children, we lack the ability to understand how special it is to remain open and present in the moment as we grow up.

I now realize that day was significant because I was aware of observing myself observing the world, its inhabitants, and my surroundings with a wide-eyed wonder.  Now, many years later, I am able to express the experience as simultaneously seeing myself clearly and feeling myself fully as both participant in and witness to life.  I became aware of a peaceful, present, and patient existence within my being. Connected to this part of my Self, I know we are spiritual beings.

Appreciating ourselves as soul within a human body requires a deep faith in what we cannot see.  We may never prove our soul’s existence with scientific, intellectual, or theological theories.  Attempting to prove soul’s existence with one’s intellect is like trying to see black holes in space.

“Is seeing black holes important?” asks Neil DeGrasse Tyson, an astrophysicist with the American Museum of Natural History.  “No.  What’s important is that we can see a black hole’s paw print.  We see them by observing the impressions they leave.”

Our spirit’s “paw print” is also clearly visible through the impressions we leave. When we give to others as we want to receive, when we listen to others as we want to be heard, and when we speak to everyone as we want to be spoken to, the wisest, most powerful part within us—spirit—permeates each cell, each breath, and each beat of our heart. Soul’s awareness surrounds us and fills us with love, which fuels our desire to live an ordinary life in the most extraordinary way by treating everyone and all life as we want to be treated. Living the Golden Rule is proof we are indeed spiritual beings on great human adventures.

According to Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, peruse means “to examine or consider with attention and in detail.” And dictionary.com says peruse means “to read through with thoroughness or care.”

Have you thought about what a difference it would make to your peace and joy if you actually perused life rather than skimming through it?

One day, I asked myself this question. Stressed and hurried, I felt disconnected from myself and life. Why was I constantly choosing to experience life as if I were a stone tossed out across a lake, touching down then skipping above the water, over and over? The moments when I was above the water, or the present, far outweighed the times I was immersed in whatever I was doing.

When I consciously slowed down, I became introspective. I asked myself, “Regina, if you are not devoted to patiently immersing yourself fully in the here and now, how is it possible for you to actually enjoy life? Where is the satisfaction in allowing your thoughts to fantasize about a future event, rather than staying present to listen closely to a friend? What joy do you receive from letting your thoughts return you to a past situation, instead of patiently remaining present to thoroughly read and comprehend an e-mail from a relative? Why waste time wanting a traffic jam to be different?”

The past is no longer a real moment in time that we can influence or change. The past only holds memories of our life as it was. Returning to fond memories brings us great joy, but the past officially ended the instant we stepped from then into now.

We cannot go back in time to change the choices we made. Reflecting on the past and our previous choices is the way we learn. Allowing our mind to dwell on what we think should have, would have, or could have been takes our attention away from the present. Only in the present is it possible to apply what we learned from the past and create a better outcome for the moment that is now.

The same is true of the future. Regardless of how badly we may want the future to come, we cannot rush ahead and live in a time that does not yet exist. The future is not real; it is only the next moment’s present, over and over, infinitely.

Permitting our mind to race ahead and attach itself to worries of what may happen disconnects us from the present, the only time possible to purposefully get ready for a future event. Living a fulfilled life requires us to patiently surrender to the truth: Life is only real now.

There are 1,440 minutes in each day. Each minute is dear. Once it is spent, there is no way to receive a refund. We cannot purchase more. We cannot press pause on life to resume it at a more convenient time. Time is not a resource to be wasted, killed, or allowed to fly away from us without our being aware of where it went.

Each moment of life is a gift to be cherished. Slow down. Take time to smell all the roses you can in life. Take time to watch the sun rise or set. Take time to patiently listen to others to understand them. The peace and happiness you want is found by living at a pace where you take notice of and appreciate that life is actually made up of the smallest of details.

Which is a truth that is important to my mom, and to me.

My mom, Jean, is almost 98 years old. She is well-read, prides herself on keeping up with current events, and at her advanced age remains sharp as a tack. Mom lives in Little Rock, Arkansas, and I am in Los Angeles, California. We don’t get to see one another in person very often, but we speak daily by phone. Yesterday in our talk she seemed rather upset. I asked what was wrong, thinking she was sick or something was up with my Dad. But I was way off. “I didn’t know who Alex Jones is. Why in the world haven’t I heard about him before? He’s a horrible, hate-filled person.” She said.

I assured her the most likely explanation for her lack of awareness about the big man with a fat mouth is that she does not swim with the bottom-feeders that flock to his hate-filled and truth-absent radio program, The Alex Jones Show, or visit his conspiracy theory– and fake news–filled website, InfoWars.

Jones is an American conservative (whatever that means now?), alt-right, and far-right radio show host and prominent conspiracy theorist who provides a platform and support for white nationalists. The conspiracy theories Jones promoted alleged that the United States government either concealed information about or outright falsified the 2012 Sandy Hook Elementary School mass shooting, the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing, the September 11th attacks, and the 1969 moon landing.

The Boston Marathon bombing in 2013, according to Jones, was staged by the FBI.

The shooting of Arizona congresswoman Gabby Giffords in 2011 was a government mind- control operation.

The September 11th terrorist attacks were an inside job.

Alex Jones’s abuse of his right to free speech has almost single-handedly helped mainstream conspiracy theories become part of American life. And when it came to the Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre, Jones’s idea of “free speech” made the lives of the parents of the children killed a living hell. They received death threats from many of his cowardly, zombie-like followers, who, without thought or conscience, devoured and acted upon Jones’s hate-filled rants.

In an act of bravery, Scarlett Lewis and Neil Heslin, the parents of 6-year-old Jesse Lewis, who died in the elementary school massacre, sued Jones for the mental anguish his lies about Sandy Hook caused. Recently the jury ordered Jones to pay $49.3 million in damages to the couple. Finally, Jones’s lack of understanding or concern that hate speech is not free speech is catching up to him.

Good! There are many more like him who also need to face a similar come-to-Jesus moment.

Each day we are exposed to people like Jones whose dishonorable, hate-filled character is seen by some as a perverted notion of success. Pseudo-intellectual radio, Internet, and social media influencers and television hosts pander hatred, fear, and divisiveness. They advocate misogyny, racism, homophobia, authoritarianism, and anti-immigrant sentiment. They manufacture disinformation, false narratives, and infotainment propaganda that are not fact-based argument but emotionally powerful fiction. These experts of manipulation are listened to, idolized, and supported by millions of people who call themselves “Christians,” along with politicians, and paid advertisers who peddle their wares on platforms that promote evil as if it were “good.”

Public figures like Jones, who trash-talk, lie, and incite violence, are addicted to the artificial attention they get and to the appeal of having influence and power over others. These deceivers — vendors of disinformation, confusion, and imaginary facts — offer preposterous concepts to gain attention or vilify a perceived enemy, but nothing of value to an enlightened, responsible society. Nothing positive is added to our society when we reward people with fame, influence, or power for pandering hate, disinformation, and divisiveness.

Intimidation and vilification of those perceived to be opponents have become widespread. As citizens, we hold much responsibility for that. Without raising a unified voice to demonize these practices (bullying, sarcasm, character assassination, cruelty, lying, disinformation, etc.) within our sphere of influence, we have allowed negativity and denigration of others to seep into every part of life. The epidemic of disrespect throughout our social, political, entertainment, and even religious environments should be embarrassing to all of us who care that being responsible for our words and actions is a badge of honor and sign of true success as a human being.

To be the solution to this evil, we cannot wait for a jury to award millions to another victim of a Jones wannabe. We must do all we can to prevent others from falling victim to hate speech. Whether those we stand up for are poll workers, children, or ourselves, we must rise and fight back against this epidemic of dangerous irresponsibility!

We are not without power in our homes, our schools, our churches, and our communities. We must refuse to sit by, ignoring the real danger our silence has to perpetuate this damaging behavior.

We can be the solution and join together to shout, loud and proud, “Hate speech is not free speech!”

Although we may live in a free country and have a constitutional right to the freedom of speech, we must be responsible for the truth that we are not entitled to voice, text, print, or post to social media whatever we want without regard to the consequences of our actions. Actions without forethought and accountability are not free. There are always consequences, as our free will comes with a great amount of personal responsibility. It’s only by being accountable for our actions that we maintain our integrity as we navigate social systems that often encourage pushing boundaries to intolerable, ridiculous, and dangerous extremes.

We can create a safe, respectful atmosphere far from people like Jones by vilifying the ego-motivation behind all trash-talk. No matter the platform on which divisive speech is delivered, or by whom, we can turn this wickedness off. We can refuse to attend such rallies, social gatherings, coffee corner conversations, or church services. We can refuse to give our money to the businesses that pay for ad space on these platforms. We can vigilantly monitor our children’s use of social media. We can keep in mind that purveyors of hate and disinformation actively recruit young people through both subtle and overt racist, sexist, and anti-Semitic messages. And rather than shame a child who repeats hateful language or ideas they learn from peers, the Internet, or social media, we can take the time to help them decode the harmful messages behind the memes, words, and posts.

It’s time we put on our superhero capes and actively, on a daily basis, confront the abuses of free speech we witness, whether in ourselves, from our family and friends, or from other people.  Together we can create a world where one benchmark for genuine success is accepting that the right to free speech comes with a huge amount of personal responsibility. Because when there are no supporters for people who lie, berate, slander, and tear others down, they will have no more influence in society and will cease to exist. And my mom, and all of us will rest easier.

Let’s get busy!

I realize it seems that so much is happening right now. We’re overwhelmed with countless opportunities for positive change. From the environment to how we treat each other and other forms of life, from rampant political corruption and global financial meltdowns to a seeming decline in social, decent, and honorable values, we are being forced to honestly examine issues that concern humanity’s future and well-being.

You and I can see the seemingly unending stream of negativity and conclude that the world is going to hell in a handbasket. You and I can also expend our precious life-energy assigning blame, arguing the issues, shunning accountability, jockeying for power, maintaining the status quo, dreading the end of the world, or focusing on fear and misery.

Or, we can choose to be part of the ever-growing, worldwide collective of people who grasp this moment in time as their best chance to positively and peacefully address challenging issues that will result in the evolution of our individual and shared consciousness. We stop waiting, arguing, and pointing the finger of blame outward. We courageously and responsibly spend our energy by being an active part of the solution to clean up our messes and protect our Earth home and all who inhabit it. We openly and candidly challenge ourselves to change “business as usual” in all aspects of life. We assume personal liability for doing what we can each day to be a catalyst of change and raise positivism from what appears, on the surface, to be a sea of negativity.

You and I can begin to manifest the change we desire by finding an area of interest that makes our heart sing, where our skills are a good fit for making a constructive contribution. Join those expending energy by honestly evaluating the effectiveness and efficiency of our political and judicial systems. Become personally involved at the local level to ensure the best education for all children, to help reduce illiteracy, and equip them to deal with the issues we are leaving to their attention. Join a local environmental group and clean up our parks, cities, rivers, lakes, and streams. Assist in educating your community about recycling. Work with local animal shelters to bring the benefits of spaying, neutering, and adoption to our cities. Get involved to end hunger and homelessness. Serve as a mentor to an “at risk” child.

At home, remain aware of what you allow into your mind and heart as entertainment. Search out programming that inspires your intellect and supports the positive values you desire to see in yourself, your children, and our society. Send television and movie decision-makers incentives to develop positive, inspirational, and intelligent programming by turning off anything that insults your intellect or offends your values.

Seek impeccable reporting from news organizations you consult. Research the facts regarding current issues, rather than accepting editorial opinion and hearsay as truth. The time has come to use our brain.

Remember that beyond what advertisers want you to believe about what they think you want from life, the most valuable things are having family and friends, great relationships, enough to eat, a roof over your head, a healthy body, clean water, clean air, a healthy planet, healthy pets, and, foremost, living from the heart. These values are shared by countless people throughout the world. So, encourage others to live in alignment with what is truly important by no longer allowing media and advertisers to tell you what is valuable.

Scrutinize the organizations you entrust to foster your spirituality. Have the courage to question and move away from any organization or doctrine that perpetuates abuse, control, and fear or assigns responsibility for self-centered situations to something outside of you. Separate yourself from and stop supporting anybody whose personal agenda incites hate, negativity, blame, control, discrimination, ridicule, or rationalizations of those behaviors.

We are at a pivotal point in our development. The time has come to grow more connected to our wise, helpful, and intuitive heart. This is the part of us with the patience, discernment, and innovation necessary to help us have the best relationship with others, avoid problems, make life easier, and find the best solutions to what we face.

To motivate this part of us, we need to step away from the familiar and into the vast unknown of limitless positive possibility within our heart. We are not here to wonder what the future may hold. We are here to create the future we want, moment by moment, day by day. We have the ability to be the positive change agent we desire. We stop apathetically waiting for someone else to go first. There are no other people to go first. We are it. The time has come for us to become involved.

Our world is magnificently beautiful. Without a healthy Earth, we do not exist. It is not responsible to wait for some body of “knowledgeable people” to fix what is wrong with our planet. You and I must be the ones to take action.

There is no government, policy, or law that can effect greater change than you and I doing our part each day. Let’s promise one another to care about the impact each of our personal actions has on Mother Earth. Let’s join forces and clean up what we can of our planet. Together we will make a huge difference. You and I are the answer!

Let’s begin by viewing challenges as opportunities to make positive changes. Let’s agree there is nothing gained by continuing to view each other and what we individually and collectively face through a negative perspective. Let’s accept there is no one responsible for coming to our rescue. Let’s stop the self-deception that any group or governmental body operates on the enlightened level necessary to solve our problems for us.

We are capable of cleaning up our messes. We are best qualified to educate our children, stop overpopulating the planet, stop overfishing our oceans, end a dependency on environmentally destructive fuels, and accomplish any of the other items on our universal to-do list. Let us have faith that when the majority of us courageously lead the way in demanding a higher standard of responsibility from ourselves, the desire to rise to the higher standard will become prevalent.

You and I do have something vital to offer. We do have power to initiate positive change. The small actions we take daily do make a difference and will bring about the change we all desire.

We are the solution!

I’ve lived in Texas, Alabama, Georgia, and Missouri. In those places in the United States we had lots of rain or snow each year.

But for almost twenty years now, I’ve lived in California.

Like many places in the southwestern part of the U.S., we’re in the midst of a very bad drought. We’ve been told to severely cut back on the amount of water we use for outdoor plants, grass, and trees.

My neighbors and I love our plants, grass, and trees. They add beauty, shade, and peacefulness to our apartment buildings. So we decided to join forces to save our green spaces.

We’ve gone back in our history to find an old solution to solve a different problem: a bucket brigade, originally used to fight fires, can now be used to save water.

Several hundred years ago, “bucket brigades” consisted of two lines of people stretching from the town well to the fire. People passed buckets of water to those at the fire, and sent the empty buckets back to the well to be refilled. Later, with the invention of the hand pump, bucket brigades were used to keep the pump filled with water.

Thanks to the History of Fire-fighting article on the Merrimack (New Hampshire) Fire and Rescue website, I learned that in the early days, most fire companies were volunteer or privately operated. Fire-fighting equipment in the colonies was rudimentary at best. Leather buckets, hooks and chains, swabs, ladders, and archaic pumps were the tools of the trade in the early days.

Fire buckets in colonial towns had the owners’ names painted on them. Laws often required residents to purchase them and keep them in repair. In the 1680s in New York, the number of buckets a home or business needed was determined by the assessed fire risk. A baker was required to have three buckets on hand and a brewer had to have six in case of fire.

Firefighting finally got an edge with the invention of the hand pump, or hand tub. The foreman of each pump company would use a large “speaking trumpet” to give orders and urge his crew on.

As we know today, a bucket brigade was certainly not the best solution to fight fires back in the 1600s. But it’s the solution they had at the time. And the old technology of a bucket brigade can be put to good use in the 21st century to fight a different problem.

To save as much water as possible, my neighbors and I keep a bucket in our showers to catch the clean water that flows out while we wait for the water to get warm. We also keep one in our kitchen sinks to catch the non-soapy water from washing vegetables and fruit, or water that has been used to boil corn or steam vegetables.

This practice is allowing each of us to contribute many gallons each week to water our outdoor plants and grass and to keep a birdbath filled for our feathered and squirrel friends. We are making use of what we already have to help keep our shared green spaces alive while also adhering to water regulations. It gives us great satisfaction to know we are doing something to be the positive change we want to see.

It’s a small thing all of us can do to help conserve clean water, one of the most precious resources we have. So let’s join forces.

You can use a bucket and do the same. Even if you live somewhere that is not experiencing a drought, every drop of water everywhere is precious.

Together we can lead with our heart and use the old bucket brigade idea to help solve a different problem.